


I Loved Her More

by HerOwlness



Category: Passions
Genre: F/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:12:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerOwlness/pseuds/HerOwlness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reese is surprised at the changes he notices after returning from a few years away at college. AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Loved Her More

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ... ages ago. I don't have the date readily available, so I'm not changing the publication date. However, I'd probably guess early 2000s, so maybe almost 10 years ago. (!!!) It's a bit of Reese character introspection, and I hope you enjoy it!

_My heart don't want to hear what your heart has to say._  
 _I can break it myself, yeah, thanks anyway._  
\--“I Liked You More” by Lost and Found

It’s been two years since I last saw her. I remember the day clearly, as it is forever engraved in my mind.

It was August twenty-fifth, and I was leaving for my freshman year at Harvard. I didn’t want to leave her behind, but she insisted that I go. I had received a full scholarship, after all, and I would be going to the school I’d always dreamed of attending.

My heart broke as we said our goodbyes. She was the woman I loved most of my life. Our relationship meant the world to me, and I assumed she felt the same way.

I now know from personal experience what assuming does.

Then and there, as I was preparing to back out of her driveway, she ended things between us. She said a number of things to try to soften the blow. She wanted me to be able to fully experience university life. I too wanted to enjoy my first year at college – with her at my side. She didn’t want me to be tied down. What she didn’t realize was that when I was with her, I was freer than I had ever felt before. She still cared about me, but a long-distance relationship would be too difficult. As for *that* … well, that was why I had not wanted to leave her.

She was adamant and determined to “set me free,” so we shared a sweet goodbye kiss before I headed off to Cambridge to begin my new life.

The beginning of my life without her.

My Kay. My wonderful, beautiful Kay.

Except she wasn’t my Kay anymore. She didn’t want to be my Kay anymore.

I returned to Harmony last week for the first time in two years. I had been so excited, so ready to see her again, to show her how much I had changed.

The problem was, she didn’t seem to care.

I e-mailed her a few weeks before I returned, letting her know I would be in town since I was certain she would want to meet up and grab some dinner. When I didn’t hear back from her, I assumed that perhaps I had mistyped her e-mail address and planned to surprise her.

I ended up being the one who was surprised.

While she did appear a little shocked to see me, I was amazed at the things I noticed. Perhaps they had always been there, had always been a part of her.

I hoped that maybe they had only appeared since I had left for college.

Instead of acting like the stubborn, individualistic woman I fell in love with, my wonderful, beautiful Kay only wanted to do what Miguel wanted to do, only wanted to please Miguel, only wanted to be near Miguel.

It didn’t matter that he and Charity had been engaged for over a year. It didn’t matter that a blind man could see how in love they were.

Nevertheless, Kay yearned for his attention, his approval.

His love. His love, and not mine.

She’s changed since I left for Harvard. Or, maybe I’ve changed, and that’s what allowed me to see this unsettling part of her personality. Then again, I suppose the matter of who has changed is rather irrelevant.

What’s important is that I loved her more.

Back when she was my Kay, she was headstrong and stubborn. She would do what she wanted, when she wanted, and damn me if I got in her way. Needless to say, I quickly learned to pick my fights. I loved the fact that she wouldn’t let anyone – not even me, her boyfriend – control her life. She had a life of her own, and she would do with it as she wanted.

In high school, there were so many girls who allowed their boyfriends to control every aspect of their lives – clothes, haircuts, friendships, activities. Their “men” – and I use the term loosely since no real man would feel the need to control a woman in such a manner – made all of their decisions for them. I can only imagine where they are now.

My Kay wasn’t like that, and so I loved her more. 

Back when she was my Kay, she was spontaneous. She came up with the craziest ideas sometimes, and I loved her all the more for it. Like when we were at the ski lodge, and I received a note from her, asking me to meet her in the hot tub. I was beyond shocked when I found her in the hot tub … wearing nothing more than a smile. To my disappointment, nothing much happened that night, but I still remember that moment fondly.

Kay never stopped surprising me. Actually, that was one of the things I loved most about our relationship. She didn’t kiss me on a regular basis, but when she did, electricity coursed through my body. The kiss in the park when we were playing hide and go seek, the kiss on Warlock Island, and our first kiss at the Halloween Costume Party. But probably the most memorable moment was when she slipped into my sleeping bag near the ruins.

She told me that she loved me, and that this was finally our chance to be together. Obviously, this is something that all red-blooded teenage males dream of hearing. I resisted for a moment, but when she said that she had brought protection, I couldn’t resist any longer. I quickly covered her body with my own, which must have scared her and caused her to run off screaming. I can’t believe that I ruined my best chance at achieving pure bliss by moving too fast for my sweet Kay.

She loved me then.

But I loved her more.

Back when she was my Kay, she worked hard to be sure that Charity felt at home in Harmony. After all, when Charity was worried about wearing her dancing girl costume to the Halloween Costume Party, Kay willingly switched costumes with her. Charity felt more confident about the dance, which was great … and I didn’t really mind the fact that Kay’s new costume showed off her fantastic body.

She was generous and helpful then, which only made me love her more.

But now she’s a completely different person. Her spark, her fire is missing, and it is replaced with an unexplainable dreary sadness.

I want to pull her to me, hold her close, and tell her that everything is going to be all right. I want to tell her that I love her, that I’ve always loved her, and that I always will love her.

But that’s not what she wants right now, and I doubt it would change anything.

After all, *I* am not the one that she wants to hear those things from. I am not the one from whom she seeks comfort.

She wants Miguel now. Maybe she wanted him then, but that’s not important.

When she was my Kay, I was unable to know what she was thinking, or about whom she was thinking. But back when she was my Kay, I wanted so badly to be able to know what crazy thoughts were running through her mind.

But I never knew. At least, I didn’t know until I returned to Harmony.

She’s not my Kay anymore, and maybe she’ll never be mine again. Still, I’m nothing if not optimistic.

But no matter what happens, or doesn’t happen, between us in the future, I can confidently say one thing.

I loved her more.  
 **END**


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